Tommy Cooper lives on

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Tommy Cooper lives on

Postby Don_Smurf » Mon Apr 04, 2011 9:06 pm

The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner. Talk about Dyson with death…..

Paddy says "Mick I'm thinking of buying a Labrador ."
"No way" says Mick, "Have you seen how many of their owners go blind?"

I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest penis she had ever laid her hands on.
I said "You're pulling my leg."

I've just had a letter back from Screwfix.
They said they regretted to inform me that they're not actually a dating agency.

My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that, 2:30am?
Luckily for him I was still up playing my drums............

A man walks into a Welsh pub and orders a white wine spritzer. The bar goes silent as everyone stares at him.
The barman asks, "Where are you from? You sound English".
"I'm from across the Severn ," replies the man nervously.
"What do you do, just across the Severn ?", the barman asks.
The man replies, "I'm a taxidermist."
"What on earth is one of those?" asks the barman.
The man replies "I mount animals."
"Its all right boys," shouts the barman, "He's one of us!"

Spent £40 on ebay last week for a penis enlarger. Just opened it and some bastard's sent me a magnifying glass!

I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!
I presume she was poor, she only had £1.20 in her purse.

Went for my routine check up today and everything seemed to be going fine until he stuck his index finger up my bum. Do you think I should change my dentist?
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