More old jokes to brighten the New Year‏

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More old jokes to brighten the New Year‏

Postby Don_Smurf » Wed Jan 04, 2012 10:40 pm

Last night I reached for my liquid viagra and accidentally swigged from a bottle of Tippex.

I woke this morning with a huge correction.



My girlfriend said she was leaving me due to my obsession with the 60's group The Monkees.

I thought she was joking ........ and then I saw her face



My budgie broke his leg today so I made him a little splint out of a couple of Swan Vesta's, his little face lit up when he tried to walk.

Unfortunately, I forgot to remove the sandpaper from the bottom of his cage.

I got sacked last night from the Salvation Army soup kitchen, ungrateful bleeders.

All I said was, 'hurry up for goodness sake, some of us have got homes to go to!'


Christmas is like any other day for me, sitting at the table with a big fat bird

who doesn't gobble anymore.


Women should be like golf caddies, either holding your balls or getting your bloody tee ready!



Got myself a new Jack Russell puppy, he's mainly black and brown with a small white patch.....so I've named him Birmingham.


I was sat in a restaurant and got hit on the back of the head by a prawn cocktail.

I looked round and this bloke shouts, 'That's just for starters!'



Yoko Ono has been signed up for the next series of 'I'm a celebrity, get me out of here!'

Show bosses think she will do really well since she's been living off a dead Beatle for the last thirty years.
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