quantus aircraft engineer repair form

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quantus aircraft engineer repair form

Postby Rampant Smurf » Thu Feb 26, 2009 3:02 pm

Subject: Qantas Maintenance

It takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma
to fix one.

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.
The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and
then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let
it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour. Here are some
actual maintenance complaints submitted by the Qantas' pilots (marke d
with a "P"), and the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers
(marked with an "S").
(By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had
a crash.)

> P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
> S: Almost replaced left inside m ain tyre.
> P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
> S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft...
> P: Something loose in cockpit.
> S: Something tightened in cockpit
> P: Dead bugs on windshield.
> S: Live bugs on back-order. (I love this one)
> P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200ft per min descent.
> S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
> P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
> S: Evidence removed.
> P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
> S: DME volume set to more believable level.
> P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
> S: That's what friction locks are for.
> P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
> S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
> P: Suspected crack in windshield.
> S: Suspect you're right.
> P: Number 3 engine missing.
> 0AS: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
> P: Aircraft handles funny. (love this one too!!)
> S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
> P: Target radar hums.
> S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
> P: Mouse in cockpit.
> S: Cat installed.
> And the best one for last...................

> P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
> pounding on something with a hammer.
> S: Took hammer away from midget.

Rampant Smurf

Re: quantus aircraft engineer repair form

Postby untraceable » Thu Feb 26, 2009 5:46 pm

they are good, made me laugh
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Re: quantus aircraft engineer repair form

Postby vampire smurf » Fri Feb 27, 2009 2:51 pm

Rampant Smurf wrote:Subject: Qantas Maintenance
> P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
> S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft...

I like that one
:light :gun :biggun :booster :smurf: :bigsmurf: :brilsmurf:
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Re: quantus aircraft engineer repair form

Postby Jokey Smurf » Fri Feb 27, 2009 11:37 pm

LMFAO ROFL PMSL :lmao :lmao :lmao
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