funny joke

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funny joke

Postby Rampant Smurf » Fri Nov 27, 2009 9:50 pm

Joe wanted to buy a motorbike. He doesn't have much luck until one
day, he comes across a Harley with a 'for sale' sign on it.

The bike seems even better than a new one, although it is 10 years
old. It is shiny and in absolute mint condition.

He immediately buys it, and asks the seller how he kept it in such
great condition for 10 years.

'Well, it's quite simple, really,' says the seller, 'whenever the
Bike is outside and it's gonna rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It
protects it from the rain.'

And he hands Joe a jar of Vaseline.

That night, his girlfriend, Sandra, invites him over to meet her
parents. Naturally, they take the bike there.

But just before they enter the house,
Sandra stops him and says, 'I have to tell you something about my family before we go in.'

'When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the first person who
Says anything during dinner has to do the dishes.'

'No problem,' he says. And in they go.

Joe is shocked. Right smack in the middle of the living room is a
Huge stack of dirty dishes.

In the kitchen is another huge stack of dishes. Piled up on the
stairs, in the corridor, everywhere he looks, dirty dishes.

They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a word.

As dinner progresses, Joe decides to take advantage of the
situation.

So he leans over and kisses Sandra.

No one says a word.

So he reaches over and fondles her breasts.

Still, nobody says a word.

So he stands up, grabs her, rips her clothes off, throws her on the
table, and screws her right there, in front of her parents.
His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and
her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word.

He looks at her mom..

'She's got a great body,' he thinks. So he grabs the mom, bends her
over the dinner table, and has his way with her every which way
right there on the dinner table.

Now his girlfriend is furious and her dad is boiling, but still,
Total silence.

All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to
rain.

Joe remembers his bike, so he pulls the jar of Vaseline from his
pocket.....



























Suddenly the father shouted....'I'll do the f****** dishes!!!
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Rampant Smurf
 

Re: funny joke

Postby untraceable » Fri Dec 18, 2009 9:19 pm

This is the transcript of the ACTUAL radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995.

Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations 10-10-95.

Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.

Canadians: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.

Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED By THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, I SAY AGAIN, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTERMEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.

Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.
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