The Philosophy of Ambiguity

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The Philosophy of Ambiguity

Postby Don_Smurf » Fri Feb 05, 2010 10:42 am

I had a good laugh at these statements

The Philosophy of Ambiguity

FOR THOSE WHO LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY, AS WELL AS THE IDIOSYNCRASIES OF ENGLISH:

1. DON'T SWEAT THE PETTY THINGS AND DON'T PET THE SWEATY THINGS.

2. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA, FLOOR.

3. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.

4. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?

5. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, "WHERE'S THE SELF-HELP SECTION?" SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.

7. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?

8. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?

9. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?

10. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?

11. IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?

12. CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?

13. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?

14. WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?

15. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?

16. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.

17. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?

18. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?

19. IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?

20. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?

21. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD 'LISP' TO HAVE AN 'S' IN IT?

22. WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED "HEMORRHOIDS" INSTEAD OF "ASSTEROIDS"?

23. WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT AT THEM?

24. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?

25. IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL PERSON IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES, DO THEY BECOME DISORIENTED?

26. CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?

27. IF GOD IS ON BOTH SIDES, IN A WAR, WHICH SIDE CAN RELY ON HIS SUPPORT?
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